Kinkade Fucks Up Sin City

Moving from single dwelling nightmares to fucking-up the greatest city on earth is nothing at all for this virtuoso of the ghastly. He has turned the greatest monument to capitalism and the human enjoyment of life on earth, Las Vegas, into a cartoon swath of lifeless paste. And isn't this what a real artist does? Take life and energy and transform it through the miracle of his talent into an imbecilic glut of paint? You would think he would at least take the trouble to put the buildings in their proper locations with each other, but he was apparently too busy inventing a few listless structures to plop into the motionless maelstrom of stale, sticky visual cotton candy to bother himself with anything resembling locational accuracy. For you see, to him, Thomas Kinkade, The Grand Architect of the Universe, creation - human or otherwise - is his to reshape and turn into a deviant's vision of unholy ugliness. Sanctified and spiritual as he is I don't know if he has ever gotten around to gracing us with his own personal visions of his Own Personal Jesus, but I bet when he does - and he sure as fuck will - Jesus will be in a dress, wearing garter-belts, he'll prance with a Nijinsky-like nonchalance, and be tossing flowers behind him over his shoulder with a gay insouciance. He'll turn Jesus into a monstrosity like he turns everything else he paints into one. Look at what he did to Las Vegas: he managed, with his unstoppable genius for pablumizing the planet with his syrup and spongecake version of the Midas Touch, he has managed to do a rendering of the Strip that not only has no known relation to the accurate configuration of the world-famous structures on the world famous Strip, he has turned the very terrain and reality and LIGHT of the place into a
vapid, dreary dollhouse painting that you would find on the side of a cheap schoolyard lunchbox. I emphasized "light" because this eye-assaulting menace calls himself a "painter of light." In fact he is a destroyer of light and a replacer of light with an atmospheric ichor. No life form with any amount of internal health could long survive on a Thomas Kinkade planet. Even if they were to manage to endure the Kinkadian pressure cooker of vapid, caustically colored shellacked miasmic weather and the invisible steam of suffocating vegetation drowning in its own treacle, their souls, and even the souls of their pets, would be pulled down hard into a torpor of despair and hopelessness. This truth hits even harder when one views the actual painting of his called, of all things, "Bridge of Hope." You have no choice while looking at it and contemplating the title other than to say over and over in your head "Whaaaat thuhhhhhh fuuuuuuuuhkkk..." For the Bridge of Hope is a bridge even the most optimistic Pippi Longstocking would blow her brains out on as soon as she saw it and saw that it harbored no hope, no help, no sustenance, no reassurance, only hollow laughter from underneath it where the deformed troll laughed at you for even being here. But fucking up the landmarks of the most famous stretch of road on earth is not enough to satisfy Mr. Kinkade's need to
debauch everything he depicts, nope, he needs to alter the rotation of the earth as well. He, as you can see, has the sun rising or setting - whatever the fuck it's doing - at the end of Las Vegas Blvd. Either the north end or the south end, it's impossible to say since he has completely raped and then killed the building topography that actually exists there. However the sun never sets OR rises at either the north end or the south end of the Strip Road: it rises and sets in the east and the west. In other words, this picture could not be more fucked up even if it WASN'T badly painted.

Blogger has to backpedal: It has been brought to my attention via Kinkade's own atrocious blog that the view of Las Vegas is looking West. This SORT of makes sense, even allowing for the missing sight of The Strip Roadway. I am not sure the famous Welcome to Las Vegas sign is at that location but I do know that the light from the Luxor pyramid looks like smoke from a Kinkade chimney. I have fucked up. The building are more or less properly located after all. So this is now a fantastic work of great art. My apologies to Mr. Kinkade. UPDATE DEC. 28, 2009.......Hi everyone!! Long time no been here!!! Well!! I was in Las Vegas for Christmas and I stayed at the Luxor. As I looked out the 25th floor window of the pyramid room, I was able to see the vantage point that Tommy Kincady was at when he painted the "unusual view" of the Strip. It turns out he would have had that view of the Strip that he painted if he was at the Hooters Hotel and Casino!!!!! - which is just due east of the strip with the MGM Grand on the right and the Luxor on the left. That Jesus-loving rascal. It's like he wanted to get caught. I wonder if the wife and kids saw the same view of the Strip that Tommy did when he was getting that "unusual view" of the Strip. From that unusual perspective. That the Hooters Hotel provides. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I love these pious Jesus Fucks, "Oh I'm so holy, I pray to Jesus, you can trust me now!!!" Fucking swine. There's a sucker born every minute.