The Bridge Of Hope

This (above) Thomas Kinkade assault upon humanity, in all of humanity's rightness and wrongness, and its (above) assault on all of the history of the visual arts in the long, long journey of mankind and humanity; this, assault (above) and atrocity (above) and malformed blasphemy upon all that is right and holy (above) is called the...... "Bridge of Hope." Now then, you would expect something called the bridge of hope would be maybe just a little bit BIGGER than this, wouldn't you? I mean, given our history as a species? Ya know, what with the wars, and the diseases, and the executions, and the mishaps, and the follies, and the miseries, and the travails, and the taxes, and the jury duty... you would expect that that Bridge of Hope would be something with just maybe a little bit more steel and span-length to it THAN THE TWO-FOOT CADAVEROUS CONSTRUCTION OF PEBBLES AND GARLANDS AND FUCKING TEA LEAVES THAT YOU SEE HERE, WOULDN'T YOU???? Yes, of course you would. You would in fact think that that fucking goddamn Bridge of motherfucking Hope would at LEAST be able to carry a tad more weight and have a tad more elbow room for more than one person at a time, wouldn't you? And maybe for someone who WEIGHED A BIT MORE THAN THE THREE OUNCES OF AIR THAT THIS NARROW PIECE OF HONDURAN TINKERTOY CONTRUCTION OF A BRIDGE WOULD BE ABLE TO SUPPORT, wouldn't you???? Well, whatdafuck, maybe that is what the "hope" is: the hope that the goddamn shitty little homosexual footbridge constructed by the the Lollipop Guild while on mescaline doesn't collapse if anything larger than the embryo of a ferret scampers over it. But apparently Thomas Kinkade doesn't put much stock in hope. Apparently HE has very little need of any hope. What does he need to hope FOR?.....he already is worth ten billion dollars, and climbing daily, due to the sales of paintings like this, and offset-reprint sales of paintings like this, and, my lordy, just admitting you LAID EYES ON ONE of his paintings should
require of you some sort of royalty payment to the man I would think, since he is so spectacular a talent. So why does he need hope? So maybe that is the meaning of Bridge of Hope. It's the bridge of hope for Thomas Kinkade. A bridge he does not need.
For he has nothing to hope FOR. He has more than he deserves already. The balance ledger is wayhayhay out of whack: what he gets for handing you one of his "artworks" is a whole hell of a lot more than what you get for receiving it. For after all, he gets cold cash. While you get a worthless piece of shit. You think this disparity bothers Thomas Kinkade? Fuck no, he thanks JESUS for it, fa crise sake. But I WOULD think it would bother YOU, if you ever PURCHASED one of these Treblinka Holocausts in two dimensions. But I ain't never heard a complaint yet from anyone. Thomas Kinkade paintings are kinda like the arts and crafts version of Obama, Michelle, and The Range: never is heard a discouraging word about any of 'em.